Devil May Cry 5

This game is balls to the wall, batshit insane from start to finish. But also, I don’t remember much of what was actually insane about it. I’m sure it was crazy when I played it, but I don’t remember. It did not stick with me. It has that quality of a game where it just passes through me without leaving anything behind. That is to say, Devil May Cry 5 is not a game you will be purchasing at a Things Remembered mall shop. Nor will you purchase any other game there, though, as they are an engraving store. 

There are three characters you get to play as. The one you start with is Nero. He’s your basic bitch; he does what a main character in a video game is supposed to do. Compared to the character you get later on, he feels particularly banal. V is my favorite character to play as, and he feels the most unique to this game. He controls a tiger looking thing, a hawk and a giant stone looking thing. Playing as him was a more unique experience, as I can’t summon a bird in games like The Last of Us 2 or Final Fantasy 7 Remastered. This is why I gave those games negative reviews. Here on my blog, we all know that I’m an intense bird lover, and the only way to receive a 5 star rating is by including heavy bird content. 

The pacing of the game is perfect. It’s broken down into about 25 chapters that range from 30 minutes to an hour to complete. As a person with a) a minimal attention span and b) a knack for putting games down for months on end only to pick them up later and expect to be able to know what is going on, this game is perfect. 

The combat is complex and fun. The interchanging between weapons makes it feel like there is always something new to do in the moment-to-moment gameplay. I am not the type of person who likes to master gameplay, which I believe these ‘character action’ games are meant for. But even so, the inclusion of a bird in combat was enough. It is enough. Just include more birds in your game and then you will be a millionaire, that is what I say to the game developers.

Some things about Maneater, the game where you are a shark

Some things about Maneater, the game where you are a shark

  • You play a shark and that’s great, but this is all the game has going for it. That’s not a small thing to chomp at. You know, it becomes summer and you’re like, “I want to embody a shark.” You see this game advertised on the PSN shop and it’s like, hell yes, this is what I’m doing with my quarantine — becoming a shark. Then the game sucks. 
  • You go around eating people. You’d think this would be the best part, but it’s not. It sucks and it’s hard to navigate. It’s also hard because I’m a person. And that’s me, out there in this fictional game, getting eaten by a shark that I’m also controlling. It’s a very morally gray game. 
  • There are ways to upgrade your shark with electric teeth. This seems cool, but really I never notice it when I bite people. I feel like the person getting a bite would notice. But then again, I think if I were playing on the beach and a shark came up to me and was like “Hey, do you mind if I bite you?” I’d say, sure man, whatever you need to be you, and he’d bite me. But would I notice that he had electric teeth? Or would I be more focused on my lack of a left arm? 
  • This game looks pretty gross. The water is gross. There is trash floating in the water. The people are fat. The shark has scars — but not badass scars that make you want to fuck it, just sad ones that make you contemplate his family life. 
  • It’s just so repetitive. You do the same thing for the entire game. It feels empty even though there is variety. 
  • It’s just so repetitive. You will do the same thing for the entire game. It feels empty even though there is variety. 
  • It’s just so repetitive. You are doing the same thing for the entire game. It feels empty even though there is variety. 
  • There are various missions including eating humans, finding chests, and locating cool spots. But these are just so repetitive. You will do the same thing for the entire game. It feels empty even though there is variety. 
  • The cool spots are cool. There are references to cool things, and a surprising amount of public domain ideas. Interesting billboards, and references to Mermaids. Small little interesting things to find. 
  • This game is worth like 15 dollars. Don’t buy it for 40. Just watch shark movies. There are a lot of shark movies out there. Even the bad ones are more worth your time than this.

Paper Mario: The Origami King

Guest Post Paper Mario: The Origami King

This was my first Paper Mario game. I’m not generally into turn-based RPGs and to be honest, I wasn’t immediately sold on this one. But by the end, its design, plot, and overall mood managed to keep me interested despite some persistent annoyances. 

The game starts off with Paper Mario and Paper Luigi traveling to Toad Town for the Origami Festival. They also want to visit Princess Peach in her castle. When they find her, though, something is off. She’s made of origami and is speaking…strangely. Throughout the introduction, we learn that a powerful origami being named Olly – the titular Origami King – plans to take over the world by converting the flat paper creatures into origami. (I personally think that the origami forms of Mario characters look much cooler than their paper counterparts, but as a plot mechanic I suppose it works.) Peach and Bowser’s minions have already been folded, and Bowser himself appears to be on deck. Mario and Olly’s sister Olivia try to convince Olly not to proceed with his plan, but of course this tactic does not work. Olly uses his magic to transport Peach’s Castle far away with himself, Peach, and Bowser inside. Now Mario and Olivia have to go rescue them by traveling around the world and unraveling ribbons that are…protecting the castle? Honestly, I don’t remember or even really care what the point of the ribbons is. The plot that unfolds (heh) on your journey is more important and has a greater impact in the long run.

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Captain Toad Treasure Tracker Switch

Captain Toad Treasure Tracker is a beautifully cute game that presents a lot of unique and nuanced puzzles that capture attention and present the player with a small diorama to solve. The game lets you move captain toad. He walks and cannot jump or even punch. As a video game character he is exceptionally lame. That is forgivable because we are able to use the environment around him to solve the level’s puzzles.

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Animal Crossing: January Review

Animal Crossing: January Review

  1. We all love animal crossing, and it hit at the perfect moment. This was like no Animal Crossing before. Everyone was playing it post about it on Facebook and twitter. When New Leaf was out, there were a ton of people with 3DS, and I was in college, so there was that level of just being able to talk to someone and play new Leaf. I loved that. But it is even easier to just jump into someone’s island now. 
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Untitled Goose Game Multiplayer

Untitled Goose Game Multiplayer\

I played the Untitled Goose game on my own last year, and wrote about it here. But I have played it a second time, this time with my girlfriend. Now I don’t like games where the main point of the game is how bad it is. For example, the game about the goat, additionally the game where the dad is a squid or an octopus. 

But the Goose game is different. Where it is difficult to play as the goat or as an Octodad, it is easy to control the goose. Mario is fun to control. Goose can’t do as much as Mario, but there is a lot to interact with, and that in of itself is often where the most fun comes from. 

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Far Cry 5

2020-08-18 13_37_08-Far Cry 5 - Google Docs

Intro
I’ve never played a Far Cry game, but I love cults, so I couldn’t pass up Far Cry 5. I understand, from my vast knowledge of video games, that these have dark stories, with open worlds. Sure, well I mostly attracted to Far Cry 5 because of the setting (Montana) and also because cults. Cults are big now, but I can’t find one to join in real life, so I figured the best alternative was to play Far Cry. Too bad though, as you play against the cult.

Story
I’m sorry I didn’t pay attention to enough of this. After about the first three hours, I was like, oh this isn’t a good story. It’s’ passable, but it plays tricks that don’t hold my attention. The game opens on a scene where you, the player character is, helping in attacking a church that is run by a cult. In the church you meet the cult leader. He speaks softly and looks straight into the camera. This is like video game acting.

Graphics
The game looks good. All the trees are beautiful. All the mountains look beautiful. The characters don’t look completely gross. My Ps4 will hum loudly as I play the game. It’s not a PS4 Pro. The water looks alright. Everything looks believable, but as an overall package it doesn’t stand out. There is no style to the game. It looks like every other game, like Just Cause or Assassin Creed, but this time– it’s in Montana! I wonder when a big budget game will be made in a place that I’ve been to. Will they ever remake my home– Bagdad, Kentucky in a game? Do I need to start a cult there to make it happen?

It mostly feels like a cohesive place, but it also kind of feels like nothing. People know each other and will speak about other NPCs. But it doesn’t really feel like being there. There are no barely standing buildings. Not very barns, and no falling down barns. Those would be all over. It’s just a little bit clean.

Details.
As I’ve said before this is my first Far Cry. I don’t like to play these huge ubisoft open world games. I’ve played two Assassin Creeds games for about an hour each. They didn’t grab me. I hate history. I have had the desire to buy a cool hoodie modeled off the ones in those games. I find these games to feel empty. I don’t like realism.

This video shows some of the things Far Cry 2 had that Far Cry 5 does not include

Gameplay
The gameplay doesn’t ask much from you. There is no thought necessary. The gunplay isn’t outstanding, but there are a good amount of guns to choose from. It took me a while to find all the different guns available. For money, that you loot from those you kill, you can buy special guns. Some have more interesting color designs. Others have silencers on them, and others have better range.

There is always something new to do, and it doesn’t take long to find something new. But the area is big, and it feels a little empty. But that emptiness has its place in the gameplay. It gives a moment of release. A breath of fresh air. A moment to not have to do anything.,

Glitches
I didn’t beat the game, because of a glitch during a mini boss mission. I’m sure that if I wanted to, I could tinker around and try to figure out how to get the game to work, or replay a large part of the mission, but I can’t bring myself to find the desire. I can’t through a door. I’ve looked up walkthrough, I’ve seen people in youtube videos walk through the door. It’s what I am supposed to do, but it will not open. That’s alright though, as I’ve played enough of this game, and really to play more would just be to try to beat it.

There were other glitches that made it impossible to beat certain missions. Mostly these were inconveniences. I would just do a different mission. Move on and try that area again. But as mentioned above one glitch during a critical mission was just too much. I did not want to have to replay something. The game wasn’t worth it to me at that point. That’s what glitches and little annoyances do, make it less and less engaging to keep playing.

Overall Far Cry 5 isn’t bad, but it’s not remarkable. It’s just another game. If you like cults, it might appeal to you for those reasons, as it appealed to me for that reason. But it doesn’t have the attention to detail that Far Cry 2 did, and it doesn’t really present a story I found engaging. But it’s a good time waster.

Animal Restaurant game

A

Animal restaurant is a mobile game available on IOS and the Google Play Store. It is very cute, and very addictive. It has you managing a restaurant where animals come to eat. They eat regular human people food like pizza, spaghetti, ramen and coffee, yes all in the same order. You click on eat animal to take it’s order, and then swipe over a screen to click on their food when it’s ready. Later you can buy a thing to automate some of these processes. If you don’t have enough customers than you can promote by putting up flyers. When the animals leave they give you cod, which you can upgrade your restaurant with.

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Donut County Review

2020-01-07 09_38_38-Donut County.docx - Google Docs

Donut county is a cute game that takes about two hours to play, also there is a racoon, so it is worth it. It’s a cute low poly indie game that got a lot of attention when it was released, but then other cute low poly indies games were released so the discussion went other places. Donut County, is a lot like Katamari Damacy. They are both physics based games, that have fun silly characters and stories. Katamari is definitely more wacky and out there, and also significantly longer but are sufficiently out there. At the beginning of Donut County you are in a hole, a literal hole, with a bunch of animals. Then you become the hole. You move the hole and things fall into it.

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Nickelodeon Kart Racing is like if Mario Kart developers were incased in slime

2020-01-07 09_20_17-Nickelodeon Kart Racing - Google Docs

Nickelodeon Kart Racing is a straight up rip off of Mario Kart, just with some Nickelodeon character instead of Mario characters and with bad handling. It plays fine– it is nothing particularly special. The controls are like if Mario Kart was on a tablet that’s been dipped in green slime. The tracks all kind of merge together, but they are all from Nickelodeon cartoons!

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