Devil May Cry 5

This game is balls to the wall, batshit insane from start to finish. But also, I don’t remember much of what was actually insane about it. I’m sure it was crazy when I played it, but I don’t remember. It did not stick with me. It has that quality of a game where it just passes through me without leaving anything behind. That is to say, Devil May Cry 5 is not a game you will be purchasing at a Things Remembered mall shop. Nor will you purchase any other game there, though, as they are an engraving store. 

There are three characters you get to play as. The one you start with is Nero. He’s your basic bitch; he does what a main character in a video game is supposed to do. Compared to the character you get later on, he feels particularly banal. V is my favorite character to play as, and he feels the most unique to this game. He controls a tiger looking thing, a hawk and a giant stone looking thing. Playing as him was a more unique experience, as I can’t summon a bird in games like The Last of Us 2 or Final Fantasy 7 Remastered. This is why I gave those games negative reviews. Here on my blog, we all know that I’m an intense bird lover, and the only way to receive a 5 star rating is by including heavy bird content. 

The pacing of the game is perfect. It’s broken down into about 25 chapters that range from 30 minutes to an hour to complete. As a person with a) a minimal attention span and b) a knack for putting games down for months on end only to pick them up later and expect to be able to know what is going on, this game is perfect. 

The combat is complex and fun. The interchanging between weapons makes it feel like there is always something new to do in the moment-to-moment gameplay. I am not the type of person who likes to master gameplay, which I believe these ‘character action’ games are meant for. But even so, the inclusion of a bird in combat was enough. It is enough. Just include more birds in your game and then you will be a millionaire, that is what I say to the game developers.

Call of Duty Cold War Campaign

Call of Duty Cold War Campaign 

I only play the campaigns of Call of Duty and I tend to enjoy them very much. They are balls to the wall exciting. I don’t like multiplayer shooters, even in cases like Left for Dead. I am playing this on a base model ps4. 

The game looks amazing. There is a level where you are in a Russian government buildings, and it’s made of marble. The marble shines without having that weird unreal engine fakeness about it. There Is so much detail in the environments, and this is especially great for this game because much more it than usual for a call of duty game takes place inside. In addition to missions inside, there are missions in Cuba, and some in Vietnam. This gives a great sense of variety to the game. Personally, I would love a Call of Duty game in Vietnam. The jungles and the vegetation lend themselves to internet sting scenery, and the gorilla combat would be something especially interesting after the recent Call of duty set in world war 2. 

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Call of Duty World War 2

Call of Duty World War 2

There is a moment where the soldiers are like, “Whoa is that a child,” and another one is like, “yo you still got that CHOCOLAT” and the soldier grabs some chocolate and a child comes running out like it’s my dog who has heard me running through his treat stash.

There is a boring stealth part of the game that involves the child, and it’s like, dude I’m not playing this because I want to be a metal gear solid or whatever I’m playing this to play an FPS. Not shot a tank, not to sneak around with a child– not that’s Lolita style.

There is no ‘regenerating health’ but there is. There are so many health packs laying around that it’s like, well okay. It basically is just regenerating health. Maybe I should play at a higher difficulty.

The first mission is D-day, and I thought it was pretty authentic because I kept dying. I don’t know what the percentage of people who died on D-day was, but it took me about a dozen tries just to get past the first part.

This game, more than any other game I can remember playing except for Resistance 3 before I stopped playing, has more die and then instantly dies again when respawning moments. It fucking sucks and nothing make me want to put down the controller and go outside, and acquainted with a nice lawn mower have some nice lawn mower conversations and then maybe lawn mowers asks me out, then maybe we go out and then maybe we keep going then and I’ve found the one I’m going with for the rest of my life. Is that on Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: World War 2? I don’t think so, I think it’s the strength of me and the Lawn Mower.
I didn’t find most of the momentos, so either I sucked or they were pretty well hidden. I think they were pretty well hidden. But there were some rooms I would enter and I would be like, well damn there has to be a memento somewhere around here.

There is a level where you have to save a child, which is already like ugh, and you have to do the most basic of stealth to do it. I hated that part. It’s very quick though, but it was a moment I walked away from the game and did something else, because I am not here to play stealth mr. Call of duty. I am here to not think and feel like an angry 12 year old.

There are some interesting set pieces in the game, but nothing that memorable. Nothing that reaches the highest of Modern Warfare 2. But there is variability that makes the play through of the game enjoyable. One mission you’ll be in trenches in the grime of browns and grays, and then in the next level you’ll be in a city walking around doing some The American shit, and the next level you’ll be in a snowy battle.

There was a plot? At the end you had to go back to kill someone? I don’t know who– I don’t want an overarching plot, I don’t want a soldier to need to kill some guy. I just want to play through the majors battles of the war and feel like I’m learning something.

The last level you see some of the concentration camps. It’s kind of weird to put at the very end of the game, though I do think that is when they were discovered by the american in real life.

There is a spy mission, where you walk around a small collection of buildings. It’s an interesting break of pace, but that’s about all it did for me.

Three out of five.

17 issues that make me want to stab Final Fantasy 7 with a large sword

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Honestly, it’s eh. The first half is way better than the second half.

1. Cloud is a mary sue and everyone is in love with him, even dudes when he’s in a dress.

1.1 Except for Barrett and honestly that’s why Barret is the best character
Barret is the best character, but he has a gun for an arm and it’s never explained why. (Maybe it was and I wasn’t paying attention)

2. Also who is Barrett’s child’s mother? Because damn that girl is white
Maybe japanese people don’t understand reproduction? That black people make more black people? (Maybe I don’t understand)

3. This game feels completely different than Final Fantasy XV, which isn’t bad on it’s own, but I never felt this sense of adventure and comradeship that I felt with Final Fantasy XV and also there was no fishing so if you had to buy one Final Fantasy for the PS4, it should be Final Fantasy 9.

4. Early in the game there is a big fight on a motorcycle. There is a campy villain who fights you. It was silly and weird, and obviously not in the original game.

5. The ending is complete garbage nonsense that definitely was not part of the original game in any capacity

6. Anyone who makes a Final Fantasy 7 Remake ending explained youtube video is crazy, because there is no explanation for that garbage.

7. Zack is there but is never explained but how are you supposed to play this game and not like, look up who Zack is

8. Going up the stairs was funner than experiencing more of the story
Okay here is a small explanation– there is a moment where you get to choose between taking the elevator, or going up 80 sets of stairs. Pick the fucking stairs man, you don’t actually have to do that shit. Your legs will be fine.

9. The best part of the game is collecting all the different music cds.
Until they make it into a side mission

10. There is a gym in the coolest town, and it just doesn’t really fit in
Along with right next to the gym a cool clothing store, that also doesn’t fit in

11. The Robot hand part of the game took me literally an hour, I have never wanted to die more.

12. There are dementors
They look really bad
They get less explanation then dementors do in harry potter

13. Sometimes you get turned into a frog and you would think that would be a really positive and cool experience, I mean we all love frogs but this was just fucking annoying. Frogs cannot hold swords.

14. If you don’t have money you should just play the tutorial, because honestly that is the best part and it just gets worse the more you play.

15. There was no place to grind at all.
I started to suck a little bit into the game and like why can’t I just beat a few more robot hands to get better at this?

16. Some unimportant characters die and I’m sure there is someone out there who loves them, and like cosplays as them at comic con, but like for real they suck hard eggs.

17. I think there were more bosses than regular enemies .
Like, for me, there were too many bosses, just like let me play the game without a huge thing to do, just like have a game there.

18. To do the summons you have to talk to some nerd kid, and do VR missions. I hate this idea, it’s just so unoriginal. Like VR? Okay. I don’t even think you actually play these in VR in real life. I didn’t try. I have a psvr, but like only for tetris effect and REZ infinite, not like, whatever the fuck that was.

Pac Man 256

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Pac-Man, in case you haven’t heard, is a maze running yellow dot that chases down Ghosts. These goes are multi colored half circles, you know like what happens to you when you die. The maze is full of white dots, and Mr. Man eats them for points. Many people make jokes about the white dots being like drugs, but please, those are ghost poops. Mr. Man can grow to twice his size by eating a large white dot, and then he can eat the half circle ghosts.

Mr. Man has been to a lot of places in the last couple of decades. He’s taken up acting along with his friend in the anime Pac Man and the Ghostly Adventures and then the live action movie Pixels. Then he finds himself in a game based on the anime, which is pretty bad. But nowhere near as bad as the movie Pixels. Mr. Man then cashed in on his championship belt in the great Pac-Man Championship edition one and two, which are hyped up, super quick spins on the Pac-Man formula. They are much better than his anime based outings.

Here in Pac Man 256 Mr. Man finds himself back in the same looking maze that he started in. Like Drake, Pac Man started from the bottom now we’re here– the same place, a maze with dots. This is both one of the most traditional Pac-Man games in recent years, and one with the strongest twists. The map is endless and you make your way to the top, endlessly. You are chased by the ‘glitch’, which eats the bottom half of the map. You either outrun the glitch or you die. This Pac Man game is so good, that the creator of Crossy Roads claimed to make Pac Man because of it.

One of the fun additions is various power ups. No longer are you stuck to just the Pac Pellet, now you can equip Pac Man with lazer, fire power and various others. But not a gun. I’m sorry I did not make the game, but I do want more Pac Man games to give him a gun.

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In a lot of ways this game is made for fans of Pac Man. Just not fans of Pac Man and guns. The idea behind the glitch comes from a piece of Pac Man Trivia. The original games are intended to be endless, but if you manage to get to level 256, then you the game begins to glitch out.

This game is on everything now. I have it for the PS4, which has a multiplayer option that the mobile version doesn’t offer. The mobile version is fun, but a bit cramped. Where Crossy Roads was simple, this game ads significantly more noise. The Pac Palette make the screen much dense with information on a mobile screen, but it works quite well on the ps4.

Pac Man and Galaga are the two easiest arcade cabinets to find. Space Invaders is more popular than Galaga but I’ve never seen a Space Invaders arcade cabinet. Being able to bring something new to these old classics gives me such a sense of hope. Triple A video games look so different now, and the gameplay is often hidden behind lush graphics and intricate stories. This isn’t a bad thing, but often it feels that the game is lost. A game like Pac Man 256 reminds us that there is still new innovation that can be done outside of the production value of games.I hope that Mr. Crossy Roads claims to make more games. And that Pac Man keeps on chomping on those dots. Live free.

Nickelodeon Kart Racing is like if Mario Kart developers were incased in slime

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Nickelodeon Kart Racing is a straight up rip off of Mario Kart, just with some Nickelodeon character instead of Mario characters and with bad handling. It plays fine– it is nothing particularly special. The controls are like if Mario Kart was on a tablet that’s been dipped in green slime. The tracks all kind of merge together, but they are all from Nickelodeon cartoons!

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Judgement’s solid plot tops the Yakuza franchise

Judgement

This console generation, I fell in love with the Yakuza games. I bought the ps3 Yakuza 1, but never bothered to power up the ps2 to play it. But then they remade Yakuza 1 as Yakuza Kimiwa for the PS4, and that started me on a journey through the entire series. Now I land on the new release Judgment.

Judgment is a Yakuza game, just without the characters, and with some additional detective elements. If you are like me, you were hoping there would be a Detective Pikachu crossover, since the timing is perfect for it. But alas, unless we hear that Judgment is coming to Switch, it is doubtful that Detective Pikachu will pull his gun out on Takashi. This saddens us all, but ultimately we can understand why it happened this way. Pikachu would have been too hard to animate in the Yakuza world. It’s tremendously sad that we have a Sega crossover that puts Rabbids in the Mario universe, but not one that makes Pikachu a yakuza.

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