Liza Treyger – GlittercheeseContinue reading “Liza Treyger – Glittercheese Transcribed”
Guest Post Paper Mario: The Origami King
This was my first Paper Mario game. I’m not generally into turn-based RPGs and to be honest, I wasn’t immediately sold on this one. But by the end, its design, plot, and overall mood managed to keep me interested despite some persistent annoyances.
The game starts off with Paper Mario and Paper Luigi traveling to Toad Town for the Origami Festival. They also want to visit Princess Peach in her castle. When they find her, though, something is off. She’s made of origami and is speaking…strangely. Throughout the introduction, we learn that a powerful origami being named Olly – the titular Origami King – plans to take over the world by converting the flat paper creatures into origami. (I personally think that the origami forms of Mario characters look much cooler than their paper counterparts, but as a plot mechanic I suppose it works.) Peach and Bowser’s minions have already been folded, and Bowser himself appears to be on deck. Mario and Olly’s sister Olivia try to convince Olly not to proceed with his plan, but of course this tactic does not work. Olly uses his magic to transport Peach’s Castle far away with himself, Peach, and Bowser inside. Now Mario and Olivia have to go rescue them by traveling around the world and unraveling ribbons that are…protecting the castle? Honestly, I don’t remember or even really care what the point of the ribbons is. The plot that unfolds (heh) on your journey is more important and has a greater impact in the long run.Continue reading “Paper Mario: The Origami King”
Chad Daniels – Natural Selection transcribed
Hello, hello. Hello. Hello. Hi, hi, I got one of these for everyone. That’s how I do comedy. Come out and say hi to everyone, and then it gets weird cause I start asking personal questions. Two weeks ago I went golfing and finally beat my wife, those are two separate things. I got home she was like, are you golfing again, I fucking lost it, I lost my mind, I’m dressed like an asshole what do you think. Course I was flogging, I obviously did not beat my wife, but she bugs the hell out of me sometimes, and I’m sure that if she was a comedian she would open with that exact same sentence. About me so I think it works. She has a PhD in genetics, but that’s it. She doesn’t have a PhD in everything even though you wouldn’t know that by talking to her. Many PhDs think they’re smart, about one thing, you’re smart at one thing. Here’s why it bugs me, one time she said what would you ever do without me? I’m a grown up, I have my own money, what would I do without you? Bring to the cemetery once a year. Sorry, I don’t have time every month, but I’m a single father of two because you text and drive. That’s a shitty question. I work on the road by myself. Away from her, what does she think happens, I just curl up in the hotel room in the bed until someone gets me. Oh thank god you came, I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know if you heard my wife isn’t there. So scared. What would you ever do without, that’s a question men don’t ask women, because we don’t give a shit, that’s a fact if we left it’s for a reason. I know what my wife would do without me, she’d take showers with hard water because she doesn’t know we have a softener in our house. We lived there for eight years, I have brought five green bags of salts to the basement monthly and she has not once asked me what it is for. And I know why, it’s because she doesn’t want to help bring it down satis, but I could have killed more 100 hookers and she’d be none the wiser. The green bag killer strikes again. That’s what would be happening.Continue reading “Chad Daniels – Natural Selection Transcribed”
Sold out, Suck it! – Kyle Kinane
A 22 year old dick having sunglasses on riding a skateboard all the time. Shouldn’t’ be able to organism just like awesome all the time, it’s all it should be. I don’t understand you mind and your body should be one system, it’s put together that way. Just one machine that gets you through the world safely, the mind and the boy, here’s the office and hers the warehouse.. It should all work together to do that. Except my mind and my body are not working together to do that. My mind and my body are not a symbiotic relationship, it’s a spy v spy cartoon, putting bombs in each other’s pocket every single chance it can get. There is a woman of age who wants to have consensual sex with you no stings attached, really, yeah, I’m nervous. PHHHH. Let’s have a conversation about brunch for 3 hours now. Are you on a field trip right now, Kylie? Are you in front of the Vietnam memorial right now, what’s happening now, really weird boner, three dead soldiers in a row all named Oscar, yeah yeah what the fuck. Are you okay Kyle, just getting real emotional you guys go ahead. Jesus Christ why. Betrayal.Continue reading “Sold out, Suck it! – Kyle Kinane Transcribed”
Emily Heller – Good for her
An impression to start
Oh thank you. Thank you so much. Keep it going for Josh Gondelman. I am so happy to be here.
I am going to start with an impression, if that’s okay. I promise it’s the only one I’m going to do. It’s the only one I know how to do. But! I think I might be the best in the world at it. I hope you haven’t heard it before. This is an impression of my mom, or rather who my mom has become since my parents got a small dog. Because I went home recently and this was a real conversation we had. “Do You wanna see Buster’s new trick? Buster. Buster. Buster sat down. Buster, Buster! Busty boy. Bust. Bust. Buster brown. Buster sat down. Buster! He was doing it before.” Thank you, thank you so much.
Oh my gosh. I want you to know that I shorten that. You’re welcome. Also you know, I’ll go ahead and acknowledge I know you guys are not the ideal audience for that impression. It’s not anything against you, I’ve just already performed that for its ideal audience, which is my brother: stoned. He listened to that for like an hour. It’s not gonna get better than that, I’m at peace with it, we’re gonna have a fun night.Continue reading “Emily Heller – Good for her Transcribed”