Call of Duty Cold War Campaign

Call of Duty Cold War Campaign 

I only play the campaigns of Call of Duty and I tend to enjoy them very much. They are balls to the wall exciting. I don’t like multiplayer shooters, even in cases like Left for Dead. I am playing this on a base model ps4. 

The game looks amazing. There is a level where you are in a Russian government buildings, and it’s made of marble. The marble shines without having that weird unreal engine fakeness about it. There Is so much detail in the environments, and this is especially great for this game because much more it than usual for a call of duty game takes place inside. In addition to missions inside, there are missions in Cuba, and some in Vietnam. This gives a great sense of variety to the game. Personally, I would love a Call of Duty game in Vietnam. The jungles and the vegetation lend themselves to internet sting scenery, and the gorilla combat would be something especially interesting after the recent Call of duty set in world war 2. 

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Pikmin 3 Deluxe

Pikmin 3 Deluxe

Pikmin is Nintendo’s cutest game series. It is also one of the most underappreciated. I’ve played Pikmin since it was first released on the gamecube. My dad was a big strategy game fan. He would play railroad tycoon, which was an incredibly boring game to watch him play as a kid. It’s Only as an adult have I learned to appreciate the train as a piece of beauty in the terrible car world we live in. but Pikmin, it was a strategy game I could watch my dad play. He loved it and so I loved it. 

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Mike Birbligia – My Girlfriend’s boyfriend

Best of the Decade (2)

I think this is one of the best comedy albums of the 2010’s. It is more ambitious than most other comedy albums. This album intertwined story and jokes in a perfect way. There is an overarching story that Birbiglia sets up at the beginning, and then goes back and explains how he got in that situation. Very Goodfellas. He opens by talking about how he doesn’t want to get married and how he would never want to get married, and how he is married. 

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Captain Toad Treasure Tracker Switch

Captain Toad Treasure Tracker is a beautifully cute game that presents a lot of unique and nuanced puzzles that capture attention and present the player with a small diorama to solve. The game lets you move captain toad. He walks and cannot jump or even punch. As a video game character he is exceptionally lame. That is forgivable because we are able to use the environment around him to solve the level’s puzzles.

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Demetri Martin – These are jokes Transcribed

Demetri Martin – These are jokes

The start

Hello. I’m Demerit’s grandma, and I welcome you all, and I hope you like the cd we made. 

Music (One time I did a show on a stage with a microphone, these are jokes)

Alright it’s my honor to introduce a good comedian and a good person, Demetri Martin. 

Thanks guys, thank everybody for being here. I had this stage set up precisely for maxim cd recording, that’s it for that sentence. Once I start the clock then the show really starts. This show official starts right now… soon as you sit down. The show officially starts right now, dating is difficult white and black people are different and airplane food is unacceptable. Yes! That’s three jokes in five second this is awesome. That’s a very lpm, lots of laughs per minutes on this cd. My name is Demetri and these are some of my jokes. 

Some Jokes

I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately. Just like, look at us. We’re so young. Standing right there, wow. Where does the minute go? I was on the train and heard this guy say to his friend, man I’m really only  good at checkers. Which is the same as saying, man I’m really not good at a lot of things. Except checkers. King me dawg. Checkers i learned a king is guys who has another guy who looks exactly like him right on top of him, but life taught me that’s a queen. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Especially if your teammates are bad guessers. The only time worse would be during a game of fake heart attack followed by naps. I went into a shoe store and asked if they had this in a 10 and a couple months later they came back and said I don’t have a ten. I have a nine. Great. Cause while you in the back my toes were severed off. Normally it would be retarted for you to say a number different than what we agreed on, but given my very reticent accident you’re ringtone. Congratulations you’re rehired. I think vests are all about protections. Life vests are all about drowning. Bullet proof vest protects you from getting shot, and a sweater vest protects you from pretty girls. Leave me alone can’ you tell I’m cold just right here. There’s a narrow cold front passing through Chicago. I have giant fat arms and skinny torso what should I wear? I heard this lady say I love kids, that’s nice. Kind of weird though, that’s like saying I like people for a little while. How odlar you 14 piss off? 13 and under liker. You can say I like kids, or I love kids as a general statement, but when you get specific that’s trouble. I like 12 year olds. No dude. Swimming is a confusing sport, sometimes you do it for fun and sometimes you do it to not die. Sometimes when I’m swimming I get confused, I have to go by what I’m wearing. Pants, uh oh. Bathing suit, okay. Naked, well see. It’s like waking up in the morning you have to check your outfit to see if it’s cool. If I wake up with clothes it’s like alright, I planned this. You wake up and you’re naked, you have to check your surroundings, alright I’m naked she’s pretty cute, what’s he doing here? I think drowning would be a horrible experience, but a little lose horrible if right before that you’re really thirsty. It’s like a man, I could use a drink. I’m good, I’m Good, that’s too much. That’s why when I’m on a  boat I bring a lifejacket and a bag of potato chips. I don’t like thank you cards because I don’t know what else to say. What do I put on the inside, man? See front. I just think they’re very redundant, tell me something I don’t know. Thank You I fear dolphins. This guy is great, interesting. Dolphins can be aggressive swimmers. You can say thank, and you can say thanks a million but any number in between nuh uh. Hey man thanks 256. What? Yeah you gave me a ride that’s not a million. You know that 255 for questioning me. You know keep questioning it’ll be thank zero. And that’s no thanks. Just drinking some water never going to be a treat. Think I’m getting good at saving a situation. I go into calling my friend Chris, hey you have the wrong number, I say no, I’m trying to avoid him. 

The Remix

Like try to something for you guys. Like to try to remix some of my jokes for you. I’m playing this glockenspiel and this keyboard while I talk. (music) yeah, uh huh, yeah, you gotta agree with this song. Can’t be like maybe! I think the best thing about being dumb is that it make magic a lot better. Where the hell does that rabbit come from, i don’t know but I’m calling the cops cause he just cut that lady in half. Sometimes when you get dressed in the morning you’re really making a decision about the day, like when you put on flip flops you’re really saying, hope I don’t get chased today. I find that most theme parks, the theme is, wait in line fatty. Every fight is a food fight when you’re accountable. If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicer wearing purple. Grimace. My friends are really similar . He uses a lot of similar things he’s like, annoying. The dream catcher works. The dream has to be gay. I was staying a hotel and i ask for a wake up call next morning the phone range, and a voice said, what are you doing with your life, I’m up. I think churches should have checkerboard floors and when you bet board you could just watch the bishop move. I love the living room, very encouraging. Just so alive when I’m here. What are you doing in there man, I’m living dude! Why don’t you try it some time, stop dining. I think it’s weird that when you give someone flowers, you’re really saying here you go, now watch these die. Because I like you, I feel like you should give someone flowers when you want to threaten them. Here you’re next. Better pout your feet in water, cause I’m coming for you. I use this product, I can’t believe it’s’ not butter, sometimes when I’m having toast, I like to be incredibly. How was breakfast, unbelievable. Fooled again. It even tells me how to feel. Sometimes I mix. I can’t believe it’s not butter, with butter to make, I can believe some of it’s butter. I was in a restaurant, and the waitress said, do you want buttery with that? I said, I don’t know what to believe anymore. Remix. 

Other jokes

I think an eating contest is just the beginning of a shitting contest, congrats to the winner but in round 2 everyone loses. Those hot dogs have to exit. Why are there no positive mystery. It’s’ always like who stole the diamond or who killed the butler. It’s never like hey, who made cookies? Somebody cleaned my room. If I had a bookstore I’d make the mystery section really hard to find. Excuse me do you have any mystery novels, well that’s a damn good question. I think that hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distant, sorry man. I want to buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together. You’ll come over, those hermit crabs, not any more, these are mingling crabs. 

Sames are Opposites

Okay guys I’m going to try something a little different, I just gotta tune this guitar. How’s’ the cd? That guy is fucking retared. It’s’ always the b string that’s. Like b stands for bitch string. Just kicking one of the dogs, that’s not a good thing to say in life. It’s one moment from being something very painful. You’d have to have giant balls or be very flexible to do it. This is called, same’s and opposites. In life, there are many things, some of them are the same and some of them are opposites. About some of these I do sing. A cactus is the opposite of a chair. In my house you can sit anywhere but here, especially if your ass is bare. A birdhouse is not the same as a bird home, one is much more comfortable for birds. These are same’s and opposites my friends. Which i determined. A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either. A squirrel is the same as a can, when there is a bb gun in my hand. Can’t you see that I’m just a man. With destinations. And compound signs. Spare change as wedges for me, I don’t give it unless someone is really asking. Saying I apologies is the very same as saying I’m sorry there’ the same. Unless your at a funeral. To live is the same as to  dream if you both long enough you’ll see, but you have to work in between, unless you have narcolepsy. That was a boring solo. (?) are the same as snexxins. Two are okay but ten are annoying. If you have two of them god bless you. These are same’s and opposites my friends, which I have determined. A secret admirer is the same as a stalker, with stationary. An ex girlfriend as a okay movie, I liked it at the time but I don’t want to see it again. Especially if the movie is kind of a bitch. These are the same and opposite of my friends, which I have determined. So far. Thanks guys! Okay so I’m going to do some more jokes and a couple more things, did you guys see where I put my water, oh chair was in the way. I know you can’t feel that but I don’t care. 

These Jokes

I like to my friend Leo on the stage to help me with something. Leo Allen everybody. Some of my jokes I think there is a visual competence that will be lost on the cd, without some acoupainign description. So Leo will describe the parts of the jokes that you wouldn’t get. [Leo: So for people who aren’t here, or blind people] Blind people are really the demo I’m going for. I’m not, in fact on the cd there is going to be sticker that says not for blind people. So let’s try a couple [leo: sure] I got a haircut for the cd recording last week, and I went into the salon and said can I get a trim? But it must have come out, gay beetle please. [Leo: Demetri looks like a gay bettle at the very least like a bisexual George] the straw is a great invention because you can drink without using your wrist, the straw is your friend, until you lose eye contract with the straw then he will betray you and make you look like an idoit [Leo: through the art of mime, he made it look like he was struggling with the straw which made us emotionally connect with the joke] I had to pull the straw aside and be like what do you think your doing? I don’t need you. Your al luxury. The ice is even worse, when there is liquid in there it’s like a pool party, yeah we’re keeping it cool, I’m talking about when we get to the bottom and it’s just me and ice, come just one here, I just want something to chew here. And the ice is like hold hold! Everybody now! I have to pull out my lighter and be like who’s the ice now bitch, looks like you’re liquid, called a physical change, but you wouldn’t’ know anything about that, cause you’re just a temperature and shape, sounds like something you’d say about an ex, she was just a temperature and shape, temperature cold and shape ugly. I want to make a revolving door that says pull on it. See how obedient people are, oh it’s one of these.  [Leo: it was like demi tire was in a revolving door but backwards because that’s what the joke was] Whenever i get a drink that has a tiny umbrella in it I take it out and just wait for a day when there is a tiny rain. Just be like, hey how’s it going, pretty crappy weather, also watch out there is wizard back there. Yeah that was large and I was Korean, he’s pretty mad. I have to switch keyboards. I don’t want there to be an awkward silence, where is everyone from, great. (people yelling out) Someone is from the part of Michigan where they have speech impediments. Michigan! What’s your name, carolon! Reporting for duty in the retarted army sir. 

Personal Information Waltz

This is called the personal information waltz. I would like to invite you to the stage to accompany me, my friend Will Forte. Let’s get started (I love you) . That was someone from the audience not willing. I don’t own a pound, but if someone asks if I have a poncho I don’t say no, I say not right now, because I do have some blankets and a scissor. I’m two minutes away from a poncho or some scarves. It just depends how I cut it. oooOoooH. Whenever something good happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone, because I like to use the word fortnight. I think bears and worms aren’t very similar until you think of gummy, then they’re very similar. Ohohohohohoh (will forte) Yeah Yeah whoa. I don’t get. I used to compete in sports a lot, but then I realized you can buy trophies, now I’m good at everything, including checkers. I hang out in sports bars a lot, I’m not really into sports that much, or drinking, but i love slapping five. Pi pi pba baba dua du du du (Will Forte) Ohhh Yeah Oh yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. You alright man? I’m doing fine Demetri! Wonderful. Wow. I’m gonna open a store called causal. It’s going to be just like the gap but bigger. I’m gonna break it down now. Work it. Do your thing. Robot will. I think graffiti is the most passionate literature there is. It’s always like bush sucks, liberty rules. I want to make indifferent graffiti. Toy story 2 is okay. I like Gina as a friend but I’m not sure about taking things further. This is a bridge. I am afraid of sharks but only in a water situation. If I saw a shark on the street I’d be like, what fuck you. It’s like the opposite of how I am with lions. Fuck you fucking sharks fortnight, ponchos cavern other previous jokes, fortnight, fortnight. If I ever saw an amputee being hanged I’d just ylle out letters. R U T if those spells rest let him down, shouldn’t just be hanging just his head anyway. Yow cow cambam batman sounds. Bam. thank you Will Forte. That cracker can sing. 

One story

Sometimes people ask me, what do you do during the day, so I thought I’d pick one day from my life in the summer and answer it. It was really hot this past summer in New York where I live. I woke up and it was really hot so I decided to go to the beach but it was too far so I decided to go to central park instead. Besides I hadn’t been to the beach since the summer the synchronous swimming team drowned. It was tragic but beautiful, apparently the leader got a cramp and they were pretty hardcore. SO I went to the park, when I got there, there were all these people laying out getting sun tans, but I’m more intestines in sun burns, cause a sunburn tells a story. Like hey that guy likes v necks. When I got the park I read a book cover to cover, it only took 2 minutes cause I went outside. I read a lot of books this summer. Cause I’m working on a book myself. I’m excited because some authors write in first person, others third, I’m writing in 5th person, so every sentence starts I heard from this guy who told someone. It’s’ going to be a very long book. It’s about a high school marching band that stays together after they graduate. It’s’ called, never get laid. I left the park I had some errands to run, it was my friends birthday and I had to get him a card, but I was mad at him, so I put quotes around the word happy. While I was walking I came to restaurant so I grabbed soda, it was where I used to eat all the time, but I stopped arbutus, because I saw a sign that said employees must wash hands, especially Karl. I got back to my neighborhood, someone must have lost a dog, posters with the dog’s name, personality and picture on them. A few blocks later I ran into a dog, but I said wait a minute, this poodle is not gregarious. He seems introspective. Neverminded this is the wrong dog, run along. Owning a dog in the city is like saying, “my need for companionship outweighs my disdain for picking up shit. I don’t like shit but I am lonely, I’m gonna get a German shepherd, and a shovel. Was in a department store, riding the special and fell down the stairs for an hour and half, when I got to the bottom I got up and went outside, saw a friend that I hadn’t seen in years, a guy named Dean, and hadn’t seen him in years. The last time I saw him, we were doing a roofing job together on top of a 40 story building, he started crazy and goes I can’t take it man, got up on a ledge and jumped, just after he jumped i looked down a noticed that trampoline emporium was having a sidewalk sale that day. Just after he jumped he bounced right back up, up to 40 stories to where I was standing, he was like, you know I think a lot of your joke premises are contrived and hard to believe. That night I was playing twisters with some amputees. But that night, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine, also a comedian, he does art too. He makes icons for agnostics. Just looks like icons, cept in every picture where god has this look on his face like. We were eating dinner and he said to me, if comedy doesn’t work out, do you have a plan b, I said hell no, my plans are numbers, i said, someday I’m gonna eat an apartment right next to Carnegie hall, practice practice practice, make a left. Anyway we had a big meal and I was so tired I went right home, I called him the next day asked him how he was, he said not well that burrito did not agree with me. I asked him what the disagreement was over, how much he was crapping? Let me guess who won, the burrito, yeah I wanted to go out, but he insistent that i shit my pants. I thought, you know sometimes, life is funny. 

Some more jokes

Whenever i meet someone who has a kid, they have to show me a picture of their kid. But when i show them a picture of me, to show to their kid, I’m weird. What kind of one street is that? Yeah he’s cute just give him that, tell it’s Demetri, give him my number we’ll hang out i don’t care. When someone shows you a photo of their what they don’t want to hear oh yeah i have photos of your kid too. Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the bookstore I just flip to the about the author section. Done next. I like board games, there are so many board games with so many different titles. Sometimes I wish they just had the same titles, which one of my friends is a competitive asshole? Looks like tonight we played Steve. If you’re lost and you have a map, people are inclined to help, but it’s a different story when you have a globe. Hi could you tell me where the mall is. I want to launch a globe into space. Just to mess with astronauts. Captain we’re way further than I thought. I got some new page ijma with pockets in them. Which is great because I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. Now I’m like where’s my planner, oh there it is, keep sleeping. Right on schedule. I wish I had a pajama backpack for all this other stuff. I’m kind in a touch situation because I like rainbows but I’m not gay. But I’m not against being gay, but i end up in situations where I have rainbow on something, and under i write not gay, and under that I write but supportive. Cause it’s just frustrating, cause it’s like that group just took refracted light. It’s like, hey, that’s all of us, take a couple colors on the spectra you guys got the whole rainbow. Sexual orientation, doesn’t really make sense. I’m still awkwardly on stage. 

The Jokes with Guitar

I like to play guitar, I find it very relaxing. When I started guitar I played a lot of it. I was a street performer, it was hard, because I lived in the suburbs, a cul de sac. Not a lot of foot traffic, people went down there to make a u turn, i’d get em. This store in my neighborhood is called futon world. I love that name, futon world,and it makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. I think statues are wonderful. They show us what great people would look like if birds shit all over, because pigeons have no sense of history. I just ate some bread and I’m goin in pretty much wherever I want. How long is it going to take in society for us to see a person with an eyepatch and not think they’re a pirate? Just saw a guy with a suit and briefcase and eyepatch. Off to me office, where me meeting argh! Bought a dictionary, the first thing I did was look up the word dictionary. It said you’re an asshole. I was eating a bowl of cereal. I had all these questions and comments, lucky there was a number on the box. So I called, so now I have a question, is this cereal as delicious as I think it is, and I have a comment, yes. Batters are the most dramatic object, other things stop working or break, but batteries die. Why aren’t you listening to my Walkman, I can’t the batteries died in my lap this morning, they were so young, twins are gone. If you’re a batter your either working or your dead, it’s a shit life. I noticed there are no b batteries, goes right to c, I think that’s to avoid confusion because there were b batteries you would know when someone wanted those or just had astute, yes I’d like some b-batteries, what kind? B batteries, yes but what kind, b batteries what? I said it three times! And d batteries are bad for foreigners. Yes I would like d batteries up there. Never order c batteries in two,. I’d like to c batteries. Look at them stupid. By the way if you want to sound creepy just add the to the end of things. Like thanks for coming to my show, ladies. Help! I’ve fallen into a well, and I can’t get out, ladies, only the ladies, it’s like a jacuzzi with really high walls you know you want. Cotton balls, is an example of something I would buy that I would not want to have as nickname. This is my friend Leo, and Eric, and over here is cotton balls. Cinnamon buns on the other, yeah i would buy that and have it as a nickname. Excuses are you cinnamon buns, you bet your sweet ass I am. Sort of is kind of a weak word for somethings i means nothing but other it means everything. Like after I love you. Or, you’re going to live. Or, it’s  boy! Somewhere at a party I learned that peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool. Location location location. I remember when I really used to be into nostalgia. I saw a sign that said watch for children, thought that sounds like a fair trade, especially if you have crappy kids. Went to a clothing store, the lady working there got mad at me, she asked what size are you, I said actual. This ain’t a trick baby, what you see is what you get. Shwe was amazing, I’ve never met a woman like this before. She showed me the dressing room, if you need anything, I’m Jill. I’ve never met a women whose exist is condition. What if I don’t need anything, who are you ? If you don’t need anything I’m Eugene. I like to do craft. Do some tough tg stuff like daggers and skulls. Thing about flitters is that if you get it on you are prepared to have it on you forever. Glitter doesn’t go away, it’s’ the herpes of craft supplies. I love video games but they’re very violent. I want a Zen video game, where you just take care of all the people who got shot in all the other games. Hey man what are you playing, uh super busy hospital 2. Please leave me alone. I need to concentrate. I’m performing surgery on a man who was shot in the head 52 times. I think they named oranges before they named carrots. What are these, those are oranges, oranges. What about these, oh shit. Long pointiest? When they were naming the vitamins they must have thought there were going to be way more vitamins there ending up being. Okay, what’s this one, a, okay next b. Okay b c d e, then they go e and they were pretty much done. That’s embarrassing. Let’s just skip to k and get the hell out of here, when they were naming the animal someone got lazy, anteater? What’s he doing, he’s eating ants, done, next! Feel like my washing machine is sneaky, because I put clothes in there and egzotermne. I hear all this noise in there and I open it up, and it’s like. What man, we’re just hanging out in there. Something happening, don’t worry about it? We’re a washing machine not a show you how i do it machine. I think a bad place for fire would be a factory where they make those trick birthday candles, alright fellows we’re done here. Oh come. I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on the computer the paper clip popped up, looks like you’re writing a ransom note, need some help, you should stronger language and get more money, thanks paperclip with a tattoo nice banda.la It’s weird how fingers puppets are a noun, ladies. Went to a bar with my friend, needed to go to the bathroom, so i went in there sat down, someone had written down, metallic rules, and then metallic sucks, and then it said you suck, and it said you suck, and then it said fuck you, man a lot of people shit with pens. Why Don’t have one, because toy story 2 was okay! This summer I want to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say get a life on them. Love the beach, love to get here really early before everyone 4else shows take like 30 bottles with notes in them, then i wait for everyone to come to the beach then someone comes and picks up the bottle, and watch and when someone picks one up I stand behind them. Then they open it, and it says, I’m standing right behind you. When someone asks you if you’re ticklish it doesn’t matter if you say yes or no they’re going to touch you. They say are you stichligin and you don’t want to be touched, you have to say something like, I have diarrhea, don’t touch me, cause you’re gonna make it come out! And yes, I’m very ticklish. 

The Grapes Song

I like grapes. They taste so delicious. To me, they look like purple green white, i like the juice that comes from inside. Seedless is the best, comes in a bunch. The grapes are delicious but you have to watch it, because they bring the size on. Otherwise they’re very sweet. I eat grape. They are so nutritious. They got vitamin c. I prefer, the ones without seeds. I got hunch I’m gonna eat a bunch. Well I like peaches, I like pineapples. Almost everything fruit is the best thing you can eat. Keep on eating and love it, cause it’s healthy. When I pick grapes I get so ambitious, to see the whole bunch is yummy. I know, they can’t always be, but each grape is an opportunity. African, specific Europe grapes. Grapes. I like grapes. They taste so delicious to me. They look like purple white green. I like the juice that comes from inside. Grapes seedless is the best. Raisins are okay. Come in a bunch. What’s your favorite fruit? Peaches.  

The Wisdom Song

Taking advantage of people when they’re vulnerable results in bad karma. That’s true. There is a cost to anything that is worthwhile in life, I hope it doesn’t cost too much. When starting a new venue, prepare for a long period of putting in before you can take anything out. I will, I will, thanks for the advice. Stamina can be the best trait because it can help you weather the storms. It’s like rain made of fabric emotional fabric. In business if you give a little bit more or a little bit less you’re more likely to stay in business. If you sell a slice for the same price that’d be nice. When you see a behavior in a person you don’t like, chances are you’ll be seeing it again, keep your distance, I will. All the douchebags please back off, when it comes to dating and marriage the goods news is you only need one. I hope I get a hot one. I know it’s tough but you only need one, break it down. It’s a numbers game. You only need one. The people you meet going up the ladder are the same you’ll meet going down. I’ll avoid going on ladders. Every organism takes on the character of its leader. Uh oh, America. We have to be a friend to have a friend, unless you’re really cool that’s a loophole. All good deeds are rewards, but we might like the timetable. I don’t believe that nice guys finish last, they finish someone in the middle maybe in the middle definitely not last place. Slow and steady will get you the fastest. Like a turtle on an open going palace to place. Your best quality is your worst quality, unless your a pedophile. Golden people rule. 

Hidden Track

I’m going to tell you a story about Johnny. Johnny was the very rough boy. And he didn’t want to listen to his mother and didn’t want to drink his milk. That was the biggest problem: no drinking milk and no listening. And he got so mad and I told him one of these days you’re going to swing and swing and you’re going to become so small that no one will see you. So on eBay after school he gets his sweater to go and play and he uh, swing and swing and a soon became so small that when the cleaning lady came he couldn’t’ see Johnny. So he was sweeping and sweeping and put Johnny in the trash can. But his voice was so small and the so low that the cleaning lady couldn’t hear. The next day the garbar ge wine in the truck and the truck was going far far away and Johnny got caught on a branch and the branch was a nest of a little bird, so Johnny was crying and the bird say, why are you crying why are you crying boy and Johnny say because I’m hungry and the bird say, i have something to give you and gives him a worm. Johnny says i don’t like that. And he started crying you better eat it because that’s all I have, he said. I just can’t eat it. I don’t like it. The bird fell silent and he opened his wing and said Johnny went far away and could recognize the house., and he went down and went into the house. From then on he ate everything. The name was Johnny.

Jeff Foxworthy – Greatest Bits

Jeff Foxworthy – Greatest Bits

Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most successful comics ever. People love him, and he is able to tap into a market that isn’t always on the forefront of comedy’s mind. He gets a lot of shit from people who aren’t his core audience. Everyone knows Foxworthy, and everyone is kind of set in the way they think about him. He’s either just a dumb redneck telling obvoius jokes, or he’s funny and one of your favorites. We can never just say that someone is good at what they do, but not for us. 

Continue reading “Jeff Foxworthy – Greatest Bits”

Nate Bargatze – Yelled at by a Clown

Best of the Decade (3)

Nate Bargatze had a great 2019. His Netflix special “The Tennessee kid” came out, it upped where he was able to play. Bargatze is a comic’s comic, but one that has come to appeal to a much more mainstream audience in the last few years. This is his first album, and in many ways his strongest. It has jokes that all his fans want to hear. 

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Animal Crossing: January Review

Animal Crossing: January Review

  1. We all love animal crossing, and it hit at the perfect moment. This was like no Animal Crossing before. Everyone was playing it post about it on Facebook and twitter. When New Leaf was out, there were a ton of people with 3DS, and I was in college, so there was that level of just being able to talk to someone and play new Leaf. I loved that. But it is even easier to just jump into someone’s island now. 
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