Katt Williams – Live

Katt Williams – Live

Interview with Chris Coleman


Weather in Cincinnati

Before we get cracken. I do I have some complains about Cincinnati lets get this about the way before a nigga gets started. I’ve been here three days it’s been all kind of fuckin you niggas have all the weather, this is bullshit. 72 hours it’s been hot mild, rainy coldly sleety cold, this is bullshit. A pimp doesn’t know what to wear in this weather. I’m in the hotel lobby with a fur coat on some swim trunks and some timberlands, cause I don’t know what will happen to this raggedy bitch this evening. Shit. yesterday it was a 181 degrees, today it was 36 what the fuck you can’t pimp nobody when it’s 136 degrees, just as soon as you walk out, bitch where is my money, pimp down! I am a boy damn! Got to love Cincinnati. 

Neighborhoods in Cincinnati

This is the ugliest, dirtiest, most beautiful place in all of the united states of America. Shit. you just be driving in a nice neighbor, like hook at architects, look at the fountain, and oh my god, three seconds later, what the fuck is that two crack heads and a Pitbull, we didn’t even turn the corner nigga why? 

Crack Dealers

Crack heads in Cincinnati are working hard. See people with a day job think a crack salesman has an easy job, they don’t know this nigga has to do five jobs, this nigga has to be a sales man, security, lookout, nigga just on the corner like. bullshit!

Shopping in Cincinnati

I hadn’t been here in a minute, I needed some clothes. I asked the lady at the front desk, which mall should I go to, he said, sir, there is a mall damn attached to the hotel, if this ain’t the most rinky dink mall in all of the united states, I almost went back and smacked the shit out of her, ma’am you knew there wasn’t nothing for niggas in there. Mall looks big from the outside, like it’s five blocks long, you get in there you find out that it’s a circle. Oh this I nice this is nice, I like this, is that a foot locker, that’s nice nigga, they got two mother fucking footlockers, they got three god damn foot lockers? I fuck around bought the same pair of shoes twice. Y’all forgive me while I taste a drink and let him adjust his electronic issues. 

Haters in Cincinnati

We got haters here too, ooo we got some fuckin haters in Cincinnati, all over the world there is hater. Got to be careful because it’s’ easy to become a hater, most real niggas think that haters are born, haters are made, they start out just like us, real niggas, they want to do good so  bad, they longer respect the grind, the struggle the journey, these niggas want to be ballers over night. 

Spinner Rims #1

I saw some shit in Cincinnati today that hurt my spirit as a nigga. And I hope that hating niggas that I’m gonna talk about is in here tonight so I can talk about his ass personally. Y’all no going to believe this shit, I’m in the limo and in my periapical, I see some niggas, confused that means out of a nigga’s side vision. Out his side vision nigga in the back thought it was a car, that nigga got a perirhinal, that ain’t even suppose to come out until 2006. In my periapical today, that nigga still think it a car, you don’t want nobody to have it. I saw, a nigga today, I know you all want to know, I saw a nigga with spinner hubcaps, what part of the game is this? That motherfucker didn’t even spin on their own, that nigga had to get out of the car and spin them manually.

Katt WIlliams Day

I come to Cincinnati, and I hear that I hear the Cincinnati government want to honor a nigga, and automatically I am caught off guard, because I know this must be some kind of government trick. Maybe I have some kind of warranties I’ve overlooked. At any moment, for this to be a set up, and I find out, they have declared it Katt Williams day, that sound beautiful but niggas were very vague, they didn’t tell me what that means, can a nigga j walk, is weed legal in my vehicle? Have the laws on prostitutions been slightly relaxed for me? Could that be the case? They gave me the proclamation and let me tell you something, this Cincinnati, and I know there is a boycott in Cincinnati.

Several type of niggers

 there are several types of niggas, there are nigga concerned with politics. There are street niggas, streets niggas don’t know nothing about boycotts, they don’t know nithoigna bout the opposite of boycotts, they know don’t fuck with me i wouldn’t fuck with you. That’s how we handle business. I’m just here to remind people we’re stressed entirely too much black people. I’m just saying you go to make up your own rules. Fuck trying to keep up with other motherfucker. That’s our problem we be trying to keep up. Niggas be working real hard to get 5000 dollar for spinning rims. We pull right up to an apartment complex with spinning rims. We’re gonna have to get some priorities eventually. 

Spinner rims #2

I’m going to tell you something about spinning rims though. You might not believe this. Form inside your car, you can’t even seen them bitches spin, can you believe that, all that fucking money and you have to look at niggas at the bus stop, to verify your fucking rims. That will get your life together, life is too short, to care about all the motherfuckers, fuck 20 inch rims, put 20 dollar sin your gas tank and get your goddamn grind on one more time. 

Gas Prices are too high

Cause I don’t care who you are, gas is entirely too fucking high, I don’t care if you have million gas is too high, you are not supposed o be at the gas station making life decision. You just at the pump like niggas did I eat today, I got but three cigarettes I can’t. 

White friends

Just saying life is too short you need to get you some white friends, get you some white friends you can learn a lot from white people. First of all. First of all, can we have all the white people make some noise, all the white people make some noise. I’d like to thank all 17 of you for coming out. That is some beautiful shit, I mean it, thank you so much you are never goin to see this many white people and 17 niggas, if you see us we are lost in motherfucker just sitting there. Nigga I thought you said this was Ludacriss this ain’t Ludacriss. Got to get you a white friend, I don’t care what you say white people are friendly. You can call them motherfuckers up at 3 in the morning and they won’t even be mad at you. Hello, no I’m sorry, no Shaquille here.. What number did you dial? No it’s a nine not a seven. Well try it if it doesn’t work call me back we’ll figure it out. Gotta love white people. If you see white people waiting on the bus stop they’re not mad they’re not angry they’re just, bus is three hours late, they’re just. I hope the bus driver is okay. If you see a nigga sitting on the bus stop we are madder than a motherfucker don’t have shit to do with the bus just sitting there like get mad at nigga driving. Telling ya life, is too short. 

Thug Niggers

All thug niggas be ready to die. But not when you get shot. Every nigga that ever been shot has a puzzled look on their face. Yeah nigga I be ready to die I don’t give a fuck. Nigga get my weed, my weed. I’m just saying the whole world is crazy. You’re gonna have to make your own decision. The world is crazy. They tell us shit that makes no sense at all. You have to remember this is your one shot at life. 


Make your own rules, they don’t want you to smoke weed and you shouldn’t. Some niggas almost walked out on that one. What that nigga talking about. They want us to believe shit that doesn’t make no sense. They don’t want us to smoke weed because it’s a drug. No it’s not. It’s just a plant. It just grows like that. And if you should just so happen to set it on fire. There are some effects. But that’s not the same as drugs, drugs you have to do stuff to it chemical, you have to add baking soda, water stir it up., I don’t know the recipe, but I’m just saying there is some stuff you have to do to it. They don’t want us to smoke weed. I know some of y’all don’t smoke weed because you have a good job, and by all means, make your paper boo boo. But if you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t smoking weed I don’t know what the fuck you are doing with your life. There is a chemical in weed that is called fuck it. And if you just get that in your system, it can change your life. Some of you crying about t bills you can’t pay, my daddy say he can’t come home, some of y’all just be in the living i don’t know what I’m going to do about this light bill, they want all of it, not just a piece of it, just hit the blunt one time it will change your perception of what is important in your life. I don’t know that I’m going to do about this light bill. Fuck this god damn light, I have 12 candles I’ve been waiting to burn these bitches. Cause they don’t make no sense. But they should tell us that illegal aspen is perfectly legal. But if you take 13 of those motherfuckers that will be your last headache, as long as you will live you ain’t’ never heard of nobody overdose on marijuana. You may think that nigga dead he ain’t dead, he gonna wake up in 30 minutes hungry enough to eat up everything in your house. That’s the side effects of being hungry, happy, sleepy. That’s it. What i don’t’ know is why they ain’t make weed into a pillow. They can clone sheep, they can make a baby without a momma, they have the cell phone, when that came out it wasn’t this goddamn big, it came in a suitcase with a shoulder strap, now the cell phone is so small that it’s a chip on a motherfucker tongue. You’re just going to be smoking a cigarette hello. No nigga I got you on the tongue phone, hello. You gotta be serious, though gotta be careful you have to pay attention to your schedule. I had to have a meeting with all the weed salesmen in Cincinnati. And explain to these niggas that I need regular weed, I have shit to do I have an engagement. I don’t want shit with a nickname. Not thriller killer somalia. I wanted to say right on the bag, regular weed. Regular weed, you get the miuccia and you can live your life. This nigga sold me some shit that has me looking at the refrigerator for four hours. I’m just in the kitchen on the stove like. I bet you aint’ shit in there. I bet you ain’t shit. You know the weed is too good when you hit it and look at it. AH nigga something in here, something in here, hey. Something. You just, you just gotta do everything in moderation. Cause i thought that all weed smokers were created equal.  But that’s not the case, not the case at all. I live in Los Angeles now, and I was hanging out with a snoop dog. Now this nigga is a profession weed smoker there is not an amateur  bone in this nigga body. We was doing the Tracy Morgan show, this nigga did an episode and said Katt, when we take a break we gonna hit some weed, now I took out that conversation, hit some weed, now I can do that I know the rules and regulation, i get the blunt puff puff, I see you are aware of the regulations as well. So I’m feeling like everything is going to be okay. I’m going to smoke enough weed to be sociable and go back to my room and learn my lines. Now I have to explain to you that in this world it’s me, Snoopy and his two pilots. We are in a circle. I watch him roll one and light it, and put it in rotation. And it starts to go in rotation. After about four and three quarter minutes I start noticing I am higher than I have ever been in my entire life. I am high high, I am up in the world just looking down in the world, seeing stately I and and looking down at my momma’s house. Just looking down and I can see, and I’m thinking how in the hell can I be this high on one blunt, I look up and see these niggas have lite six blunts and they are all in rotation at the same time, we look like an Olympic track meet in that bitch. Bullshit.

Things aren’t as they seem

Why do you just gotta live your life, because other people’s lives might look better than yours but that’s not the way it is. Most of that shit that I thought was real was bullshit, I met DMX three months ago, this nigga is the same size as me. I don’t know why I thought that nigga six thwele that nigga two inches taller than me. And he talk like that for real. We and the rest are the bitch. Let me get you some water, and some lemon, why are you hollering in a restaurant? No body hollar like that in a restaurant, you nigga that couldn’t cheat in school, hey bitch, was the answer to number 7 hey hey , nigga you need to be in a special class. 


I’m out there in la, I’ve been making friends with basketball players. Just people I’ve been watching for a long time, people like hooping Paterson, and shawuila o Neal just six foot eight foot niggas. I found out I can’t even really be friends with these niggas in public. Cause they took fucking tall, I’m trying congrautluy you on the game, you got your dick all around my forehead region nigga good game good game. Just saying you got to live your life, see I notice a lot of this shit, I have a disease I am allergic to stupid shit. Now some of y’all might have that same disease. But, if you have the disease you know for a fact that it does not start when you are an adult it starts when your a child. I remember when I child being allergic to stupid shit. I can remember being in class, the teacher said Katt stand up. Bitch I am standing up. 


I hate her so much, i really do. She said spell kitchen, so I sounded it out, as I had been instructed to do. Kit-chun. Kit chun, kitchen. K I T, C H E N. she said, very good very good. She said now spell knife. Once again I sounded this motherfucker out. Knife. Mmmm. N I F E. She said no no I’m sorry it’s k n i f e . this bitch is stupid she really is. Uh yes, that would be kuhnife, this is what she told me in front of the whole class, she said the k is silence. I said then take that quite motherfucker out, then because it’s confusing me. Right after class i met that bitch with a good school just what the fuck are you talking about. Now. I think I’m tipping. We are all adults. Can you please tell me the purpose of the iPad? Have you ever been able to use one in your personal life? My name is Bob, that’s b o b k e. Nah nigga your name is boka. It’s right there. 


Math was my favorite subject, because everything that bitch said I could verity, she said 2 and 2 is four, damn sure is, all the time nigga all the time. Then one day this bitch just flipped the script. 3x plus y equals what? This bitch is still teaching. Do you see this shit? Did you know that some of that is letters, yes bitch that’s word and sentences. 


Now that was just the shit they told us when we were litter. Now that we’re grown these motherfucker still think we’re stupid. They got commercials on television where they lie and tell the truth at the same time, now how fucking stupid do I have to be, for you to lie and tell the truth at the same time. They got commercials that says that you can do a brand new expedition with no credit bad credit divorce violation whatever your problem is, unapproved credit. Did you say no credit, bad credit, approve credit. That’s like you go to the club and the girl is like I’m going to get you pussy never. But that’s not the same, nigga.  Then they got commercials for medication where the side effect is worse than the shit they’re scoring, and I didn’t think no one was noticing but me. All I’m saying is if I’m having asthma, I don’t need the side effect to be shortness of breath. That’s what the fuck I came to you for. They got some shit called zincal, zincal is a fat blocker and if weight is heavy on your mind, you gotta be excited about something called a fat blocker. Because you might not necessarily want to stop eating. But you wouldn’t mind something to stop blocking the fat every now and then. They show you the lady she’s a little overweight. They are happy three seconds later she is in a bikini running through flowers, so you envision the pink in your throat just blocking fat, just. Then they say possible side effects, gas with an oiling discharge, diarrhea and the inability to stop it. Gas with an oily discharge. It’s already embarrassing to fart in church as it is, but you gotta ruin your clothes. Just. that aint’ never coming out of that, nah nigga, that’s oil. That’s oil. Just got to make your own decision. They tell you you should not smoke cigarettes because it will stunt your growth. When your a kid they tell you drinks you milk, eat your vegetables, so that you can grow up big and strong, and I remember as a child, drinking milk. Every day, just bring a cow in and let me get under him to drink some fresh milk so I can be big and small. Broccoli gives me all the broccoli and greens and spinach. Show you all some shit, you’re not going to believe, would my mother and father please stand up in the audience right now. Now look up there, at my parents at the top, my mama 5 3 and my daddy 5 5. What the fuck was i drinking milk for. SHIT. I could have been eating lemon heads and baked beans all day. Y’all don’t know, it ain’t no fun. 

On Being Short

Cincinnati worried right now about black and white prejudice, that ain’t’ shit compared to prejudice of being short. In American society , this is bullshit, you don’t know how i had to overcome, ain’t no parades, ain’t’ no marches, Jesse Jackson doesn’t show up. All the shit you take for granted, like the little thing your momma put beside the door to mark your progress each year. We just had one dark ass line. My momma doesn’t forget about it. Just one dark, then you grow up and be the same size, you gotta be a pimp you just can’t be no regular nigga this size. I can’t even go to an amusement park. Fuck kings insane, I don’t give a fuck I’m a grown ass man what do you mean I can’t ride this goddamn ride. I’m a grown ass man. Spending a hundred dollars I have to ride in a teacup with little kids. This is bullshit, when we get out of this motherfuck I’m going to kick your motherfuckin’ ass. 

Raggedy Car

Just saying life is short. To make up your own rules, make up your own rules, we want to do better so bad, you got to be happy with however your life is right now, that doesn’t mean you don’t want to do better, but you have to be happy with whatever you got right now. If you got a raggedy car, stop talking shit about your raggedy car. That’s your raggedy car, you need to go home and wash the shit out that motherfuck put on the wall and everything. That way when you leave the club you don’t have to have that raggedy car conversation. Now we all know the raggedy car conversion, some of you can’t laugh right now, cause you’ll have to use it later. We all know the raggedy car conversation you leave the club like I don’t need no bullshit, you fuck way hear something like, you have to act like your no ready to leave the club, what are y’all doing. What are you niggas doing? Just got to be happy with whatever you got that way you don’t accidentally become no hater. You made it because you have a raggedy car. Now when you pull up at the stop light you have to look at the nigga in the escale like he made a fucked up decision. 

Married Vs Single

That’s bullshit you gotta be happy with whatever you got in your life. Let me give you a perfect example, married people make some noise, now did you hear how depressing that shit sounded. Who would ever want to be married with you motherfuckers clapping. Like that, let’s try it again. Married people make some noise. Yes. I don’t care how fucked up your marriage is. If you found a motherfucker to walk with you day in and day out, that is some beautiful shit, you got to be happy about that. One more time, married people make some motherfuckin Nosie.. Yes yes, okay, let’s see what we’re working with. Newlyweds, do we have any newlyweds at all. Stand up if you’re newlyweds, I can’t see you, wait i see a nigga standing up by herself. There she is. I could tell you newlyweds ya’ll been fucking all day, she tired. She got up like this, this nigga crazy, I can’t keep doing this. How long have y’all been doing this. A month. A month. Where is the month and half raise your hand. Month and half, where’s a month. What you got back there. You hear that nigga a month and half, loving every minute of it., I don’t know what took me so long, cause you know black people we go together thirty six years, finally get married, you know all the kids in college now, let’s go ahead and do this, that’s some beautiful shit for a month and month and half. Let’s find out where the veterans are, do we have any veterans here, anyone married for more than ten years. Twenty! Can anyone beat twenty. When we got, can we beat 20, shit we got twenty. Twenty eight but you’re so far back you don’t care, should have bought your tickets early, I can barely see you. That woman is outside by the fountain, twenty eight. Twenty four, and twenty four, where were you at. Let’s get a look at you, no no no. You sure, because we can make this whole segment about you personally if you don’t want to comply with my wishes and demands. Aww look at her front window, that ain’t really his wife, he’s been married twenty four years, they can’t even stand up. What the fuck did you put your hand up i told you to put your goddamn hands down. That’s some beautiful shit, motherfuckers married twenty four and twenty six years. I left that out, I’m sorry. That nigga don’t want to be left out. Thought we were doing bingo with this bitch. That’s e26. That’s a law, I can’t even shit. Twenty four, twenty six, twenty eight, just goddamn that’s beautiful, just day after day after day, of the same motherfucking every day you wake up. Just shit. You again. Why don’t you go on vacation or some shit. That’s some beautiful shit, you done found someone to walk with you everyday. See a month, month and a half, sometimes, y’all still have arguments and disagree, but at 24, 26, and 28, these motherfucker don’t even talk to each other anymore. Just look at this antsy ass nigga. He gonna smell that shirt. It smell like yesterday, put it on I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a shit. Sometimes he look at her like she gonna ask me does this dress make her look fat. I just go on tell her, I seen you naked stop blaming it on the dress, but that’s some beautiful shit. If you done found someone to walk with you everyday now let me show you something. If you don’t mind. Single people make some motherfuckin nose. Now did you hear how exciting that sounded. I know even month, month and half had a flashback to when you were happier than a motherfucker. Just aaah. Single people always act like we the shit. And we are, we really are, we the shit as long as we out. We quit the job when you going home, when the fuck i want to go home. I’m single, free to motherfuckin’ mingle, just until you get home to that lonely ass kitchen, you’re just in the kitchen, why won’t you send me somebody Jesus! 

Baby’s Momma

I’m just saying whatever you got in your life, be happy for what you got. Now this next thing I’m going to say is just for the fellas. Just don’t apply to you, forget I even said it. If you got a crazy ass baby momma, huh, this nigga testifying the back. First of all if your baby momma is that crazy, uh huh, I didn’t say something about baby momma and it triggered this guy’s turrets syndrome. Just yelling out phone numbers, 613, 413, if you baby momma is that crazy. The first rule you need to remember, is keep your hands to your motherfucking, self, cause these police do not give a shit if they have to come to the house, they do not give a shit. You could be lying on the ground, with both your eyes black and both your arms broke and she could be laughing her motherfuckin ass off, police mama, did he hit you, hell nah i knocked this motherfucker out, yes mama, yes ma’am but as you were knocking him out as he was falling back did he clutch at your, did he clutch at you. He damn sure did, I forgot all about that, y’all say bye to your daddy. Because he clutched at me and I forgot in the shock of the moment, rule number one is keep your hand to yourself rule number 2 is if you got a crazy ass baby momma just try and work with her ass if you can cause you might not want her motherfuckin job. I’m a single father and my son is nine years old. All I’m saying is it’s a job raising these mothers. We do not give women enough credit for this single parent shit. 

Single Father

You can stop clapping some of y’all ain’t even good mothers. Ain’t good mothers at all, your baby at home right now alone. Your baby is sleepy and crying. Just waking up. I don’t want to watch cartoons anymore. All I’m saying more to raising there’s motherfucking than being at the mall dressing right. It’s a job rasingin these motherfukcers. First of all, if you a parent your going to be tired ain’t shit you can do it about, my son wake up at 530 every fucking morning. He don’t give a shit about weekends, week days nationally holiday Katt Williams day, what time daddy got home, at 530 every morning he is up, in additional to being up at an ungodly house, he aint’ got no job, he ain’t got no bills, he aint’ go tno stres, so not only is he up before Jesus and the Mexican he is happy, he is happier than a motherfuckin for no reason, just every fucking morning at 530 he is like, morning daddy, time for some syrup. I put that nigga to bed at 528, at 530 he is just like morning daddy time for some syrup. Shit. have you got young kids, just take my advice and just be happy at whatever level your child is on, as parents you always want your kid to be doing some shit, they can’t be doing. Like when my son couldn’t talk, all the fuck i wanted him to was talk, didn’t no body tell me that once this nigga was talking he was going to ask me 500 motherfuckin questions back to motherfuckin back while we wait at stoplight, this just nigga in the car like, why is the MacDonald’s sing yellow daddy, what part of the chicken nugget is the chicken daddy? What is the difference between barbeque sauce and hot sauce daddy? Is hot sauce just sweet and tangy, and hot sauce just isn’t tangy? Why are you crying daddy, why are you crying? I don’t know shit. That’s my motherfuckin nigga though, you just gotta figure your kids out, you got to figure your kids out, I know some of you let your kids stress you, do not let your kids stress you. you have to understand the world is against you and your baby, the world is about money, making money they don’t give a fuck about you raising your children. Commercials are about 30 to 60 seconds, your child’s attention span is 30 to 60 seconds long. That’s why they want everything you look over the store and buy your child everything on aisle number 7, I swear to god, he’ll look in aislt e8 and be like this ain’t even in there. You gotta figure out your child, I tell my son the truth, and agree with whatever I can agree with. I know that nigga want everything. I understand that nigga just wants me to know, he doesn’t expect it. This is him for an hour watching tv, just, i love that bicycle did you see that bicycle, it has a bell, i love bells, i just ring it all the time even if I in the driveway. That movie came out Friday, won’t be here Friday, let’s go ahead and see it. I love pokemon daddy, Pikachu daddy, that’s fruit loops daddy. That bottom of the sea. I love bottom of the ea. Yep yep yep yep. Tomorrow nigga you never nigga. At the end of the hour he aint’ got shit, we both happier than a moth fuck sitting on the couch. I’m just saying do not let your kids stress you out, see I don’t know how you raise your kids, we all raise our kids differently. I know a lot of comics that mess white people, and tell white people they need to beat their kids. But let me tell you something, it ain’t that, it’s not like nigga got it all down pat, we all got problems. We just got different problem, they were saying that like white people are little to lenient on their children and niggas are a bit too harsh on ours, all I’m saying is that the white families is saying that you can get time our for setting the family dog on fire. At the nigga house you can get half death for forgetting to feed the dog. That’s the same goddamn dog. We just do shit that white people take this back to your community. Please stop putting your children on the goddamn leashes, that is just entertainment for niggas, we cannot wait to see that shit in the store. We Get right by the register. White kids wake up and grow up to be 26 and kill everyone in the family cause you had them on a leash like a dog. Just in the toy store like i want it i want it, black people laughing like we got the shit down pat, you got to stop beating your kids in the grove store just like in the line soon as your baby touches the skittles didn’t I tell you not just ma’am that baby is a toddler you can’t. Just saying don’t let your kids stress you out. 

Pimp Decisions

I don’t know how you raise your kids, but I’m a pimp, not because i put women on the streets, i think pimp therefore i am. I see some women written it down, feel free, feel free, so. The first rule of pimping is don’t like. So I don’t lie to my son about anything. He’s nine he ain’t never bleve in Santa clause, I can’t afford him thinning that there are white men going around the ghetto giving niggas PlayStations. No no, daddy bought that with his weed money baby, can you say sacrifice. Sacrifice. We have real conversations. That nigga came to me, few months ago he said daddy, I want an Xbox, i said sit right here pimping. Let daddy holla at you. Now the first thing indeed you to say, is that Xbox is 199.99 now daddy can do this all day everyday no problem. But I need you to understand that it only comes with one control. That means daddy can’t play with you, your friend can’t play with you, just you, that means that you have to buy another controller for 35.95, now daddy can do this all day everyday. Ain’t no problem but i need you to understand that it comes with only two demo games, you gonna be done with them tonight, that means i have to buy four five other games 45 to 50 a piece. Now daddy can do this all day everyday, or daddy can look in the newspaper under the classified section and i can get you what is known as a Nintendo 64, now it’s not goin to be new, so it’s going to come with 20 games, that other kids have opened and played with to make sure they fun. Dang man, then we have 300 dollars left over. Then we can go all over the country stop at ice cream trucks. Buy six nuggets don’t eat 6 just eat three cause we don’t’ give a fuck cause we got money like that, and that nigga right there make a pimp decision, you say twenty games, well then we just gonna get the Nintendo there daddy. That’s my motherfuckin’ nigga. Make a pimp decision. When the new Jordan’s come out, I talk that nigga to the foot locker, and let him try them on. They fight, they fight. Alright, I want you to do me a favor, I want you to run down this aisle. I’m goin to timme, only our mark, get set go, five seconds that was good, that was good, come with daddy to pay less. I want to show you something. I want to show you something. Now put the batman’s on, put the batman’s on, make sure the Velcro is tight, on your mark get set go. Three seconds is all I’m saying. If you’re faster in the batman’s, now sit right here pumping, let daddy holla at you, now if you want the Jordan’s, daddy can get the Jordan’s all day everyday. No problem. But for the same price as the Jordan’s, you can get the batman’s, the robins, the Pokemons the Digimons, you get these have no name but they light up everytime you walk, they light up. And that nigga bling bling out the store. He like. Just saying don’t let your kid is fucking with you. 


I learned my lesson. Some of you, do all your christmas don’t get around paying the bills till october. October 19th you are still paying off shit from last christmas. Cause you tyring to keep up with white people, fuck that. Keep up with your budget, you don’t have to spend all you know the same kids that play with sticks and bricks. The same motherfucking kids. You spend 1,300 dollars on gifts, then motherfuckers don’t even play with it after the batteries run out. You have to go to the 99 cent store and get one hundred toys, they ain’t going to be name brand, and they’re gonna be torn up in a week, but any child is gonna be happy about 99 motherfuckin toys, my son was all under the tree, daddy daddy. Nigga didn’t even open them just went to sleep. I know daddy loves me, i know my daddy loves me, i know my daddy loves me. 


Just saying life is short, gotta work on your relationships. If you’re in a bad relationship right now, you can end that motherfucker tonight. End it tonight, life’s too short for you to be in a fucked up relationship. Just tonight, when the show is over, walk right past your vehicle. No I’m done, i’m done, thank you, go right on down fifth. Cause life is too short. Women I know, I know ya’ll been talking about nigga and shit, i know you been saying it and I’ve been hearing ya. And it’s not the case, on behalf of all niggas here this evening. I want you to know, it’s just been a misunderstanding. Y’all just don’t understand us. We are simple women y’all think too much. Put too much pressure on yourself. Pay attention to too many magazines. Niggas don’t give a shit about most of the story you are concerning yourself with. I think I’m gaining some weight. Every magazine a woman reads says that you aint’ shit. Just everyone, you are still wearing their shoes, you ain’t shit, you aint’ shit. You still got that make up, you aint’ shit, you aint’ shit. I think i can speak for all nigga, when i say we don’t give a fuck about most of that stuff. There ain’t a nigga in here that was about to fuck a girl and then changed his mind cause she had wrong the toenail polish, it has never happened in the history of mankind. Ah hell no is that plum. Plum ain’t red. I can’t do that, I can’t do that. Women you just gotta remember, men are simple, we are simple. We jsut born to fuck and work and eat, and not necesasry in that order. Cause if a nigga can fuck, he no even hungry. I’m okay I’m okay. I ate yesterday, we had a tik tak, a tik tak would be nice. We are just tired of women confusing us. Women stop confusing us. Women are simple. We are tired of being at the club, you got a women dancing on you. Just. done dance the crase out a nigga’s pants, now afater the club, we excited than a motherfucker. So what’s cracking. And ya’ll turn into a different motheruckier. What kind of girl did you think was, I thought you were a whore. You were a whore over there, I thought you’d be a whore over here. Did we cross the no hoe line, what the fuck happened. I know women are bothered by simple shit. Women don’t like it when a man buys them a drink, then follows them all over the club all night. Clap if you hate that woman, clap. See once again, this is just a simple misunderstanding. I am not following you bitch, I am following my 7 dollar investment in our relationship. Now if you don’t want the drink, then just say no thank you, but don’t take my investment and run off with it. You done hopped in the car with another nigga, now I in the parking lot just, uh, yeah could I holler out player, either you or her owe me three fifty, that’s all I’m saying. You or her, could you or her. 

Bitch Ass…

Before I get out of here. I gotta say something that’s going to be a bit controversial but I’ve been thinking about it, and it really needs to be said. Hold on one second. Thank you so much, I heard a voice with some bass in it. What did you say sir. Yes. just stress. Ten thirty, I know my hairdresser is quite frustrated. I sweated out every curl that bitch put in. thirty eight seconds. Hairdressers are throwing out gang signs. What you got, like a hundred hair salons. What is the name of the best one? No that’s just where you go. Alright I have to say this. I want you to know before i say this, a third of the niggas in here are not going to happy with what I’m going to say but I want you know, I’ve been this size all of my life. Which means I’m not scared of it, I’ve been unctuous before it’s not that bad. I woke up in the club well rested and everything. I start talking shit, well where the nigga now? Nigga can’t get a power nap in this bitch? And remember, that this is just my opinion. As far as I’m concerned there are only two type of niggas real nigga and bitch niggas. Now if you’re not sure where you fit in, chances are you a bitch nigga, you really are. If you look see someone smiling. Now what is that guy smiling at. Now as real niggas we know this, we see bitch niggas in the mall all the time. They be wasting and you be like what is this bitch waving, but now bitch niggas becoming a problem for real niggas. Bitch niggas are start to cause real niggas problem you see there are more lesbians now than there have ever been. and most of that is the fault of bitch niggas. You can’t blame her, she been with bitch nigga, after bitch nigga, after bitch niggas, and finally she just be like why can’t i just be a bitch nigga. But bitch niggas don’t’ respect women at all. They don’t understand this is not 1996, I’m going  to get mine and you’re gonna get yours. If a woman be so kind that she offer you some pussy you be so kind to fuck the shit out of her. At every opportunity that you get. But the bitch niggas don’t get and the bitch niggas starting to cause the real niggas money now. Because you went over to her house and fucked it up, and before you could. Get in your car she is already on the pheon that  real nigga, now this nigga have to get up out his bed go al the way across Cincinnati and fix some shit you had no business fucking up. With your bitch ass in the first place, and gas prices are too high for that type of shit. Now I know there are some real nigga in the audience that are mad me right now, because they don’t understand why I’m wasting my time and my breath talking to bitch niggas, but what you don’t understand is that you don’t have to be a bitch niggas all your life, after the show you can get with one these real niggas in the audience and let him tutor you on Mondays and Wednesday and Friday until you get some that bitch out of your eternal now listen to me carefully if you would, bitch niggas, the first thing you need to understand bitch niggas. See the bitch niggas paying attention. The firs thing you need to undetrst bitch nigga, the first nut is sleerpy. It’s not just you. It happens to the best of us, sometime the first nut has the mind of its own. You could have the best intentions in the world, oh I’m going fuck the shit oh no. now if you’re a real nigga you never let her know what happen. just , you are not ready yet, I’m going to eat your pussy again, you are not ready for this! There are some women mad right here, is that what he was doing! Yes you are fucking with a real nigga. Now. since you know that the first nut is sleepy. It is your obviation to get that motherfucker out of the way before you get to her house, you need to be on the highway working that motherfucker out. Just. that way by the way you get ot her house you are already on nut number two, and I think I speak for all real nigga in attendance today, there is nothing more powerful than arriving at her house at nut number two. You don’t be bullshiting go on and lay down go on lay down, you might want to wrap your hair up, you might want to wrap your hair up, now listen to me carefully if you would bitch niggas. Once you put on your condom and you are safely in sinside. The only word that should be in your head is concentration . You don’t have to be looking in their eyes, or caressing her softy or smelling the traspeeby shit you need to be looking at everything in her house but her. Just keep your focus, sing a little song off key just to keep yourself focused, just a b c d f , now listen to me closely bitch nigga, if you feel it slipping away, remember this is a one man sport you make all the rules. Do not be ashamed to get out the pussy if you feel it start slipping away, just a b c d. E f g, h i j k, pay attention if you would bitch nigga, now I know, I know because I’m moving so quickie that I haven’t had had time to talk about eating the pussy and that makes the bitch nigga think that maybe they wouldn’t have to do it, see it’s that type of thinking right there that qualifies you for being a bitch nigga rig there. Bsee real nigga know something that bitch nigga have never found out, see it’s so quite right here you can hear a bitch nigga drop. See real nigga know I’m not eating the pussy for you, oh no, oh no, if you understand that I’m saying I’m not eating the pussy for you I’m eating the pussy for me. See I’m not eating the pussy, i know you came twice and clitic up twice and damn near suffocated me, now I have the rare opportunity of surprising you with the dick. You forgot all about the dick you brought dick to. Oh my god girl this nigga brought dick too pay atteiotn to me, if you would bitch nigga, now. Once you’ve been doing it correct for about 27 and three qwusarter minute you are going to start to feel a pain in your side like you been exicswring, and I know this i where a bitch nigga ornigady go on and call it a day ut if you can manage to fuck through the pain, see she don’t know you in pain, she think ou are genius and are hitting it from the side, so continuous to hit, through the ptin because 14 minutes after your body is going to go into auto pilot. And i think i speak for all real nigga in attentdcen today when I say there is nothing more wonderful than feeling your body go into autopilot. Cause now you got time to have fun with her, you have time to enjoy yourself, you have time to do stupid shit, like look at your own dick, now look around at the stupid look on the bitch nigga face right now. I think I speak for all real nigga in attendee when I say there is nothing more wonderful than looking at your own dick, you can seet hat motherfuckin just some of you nigga can’t do it nowhere cause you have to be so close to the pussy. Y’all been all that I’ve been Katt thanks for the time. 

Audience Testimonials

(this is just a bunch of random people being like Katt WIlliams was great”)

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